First Entry – What the hell am I doing here ? – Creep by Radiohead

So I am going to use this first entry to go over a few basics and tell you a bit more about my site.

So first off I want to break down the words in the titles and what the mean to me.

So Munchies Music and Mogs

 

Munchies – I love food especially the kind that everyone tells you is bad for you and makes you fat. I am an emotional eater and food makes me feel better so sue me. Although I will not reference any of the foods in particular I was munching on at the time or what I am eating right now you can be rest assured that a) I should probably not be eating it and b) it will have tasted delicious and definitely made me feel better for a little while anyway.

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Music – So I hate when people ask me things like whats your favourite song ? or favourite band ? . For me like so many other people the music I listen too reflects how I am doing emotionally and physically in my life at the time (that may sound heavy but really it’s not) . Example if it’s the day before I go somewhere nice on holiday and I’m packing my suitcase I probably won’t be listening to Nocturne by Chopin (which I do enjoy listening to) but rather I might have on night of your life by David Guetta cause I’m getting my packing groove on.

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Mog’s – So Moggie s well I am a little bit of a cat obsessive(not just domestic cats but wild cats , lions , tigers , snow  leopards and so on ) I love cats that not to say I hate dogs but I really love all cats and polar bears. In saying that I can assure you despite being a little cat crazy it’s not the only thing about me but from time to time cats( and polar bears)will feature on this page.

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Why Diary of a Dyslexic  Introvert ?

I want the title to sum up what underpins most of the entries you will read I am of course much more than a dyslexic introvert but more me they are really important in telling my stories.

First I want to clear up the myths about being dyslexic and what being a dyslexic means to me. I did not really know what the word dyslexic meant until I was in 3rd year at high school up until that point both primary teachers and high school teachers had put my mistakes down to rushing my work or not paying attention and one even told my mum at parents night I was just not as smart as other kids.

From the first time I remember writing I remember having a sense of how I pictured it looking in my brain or what I said out aloud(yes I need to speak out what I am writing/typing  I’m one of those annoying people). was different from the way it looked on the paper. I would say or see the word for example “how”  in my head then I would look at the paper and see I had actually written down “who”. I did it over and over with lots of other words to. I would do write down a b instead of a d the letters or words would be in a different order than in my head and they seemed to have jumped all over the page. I would take me twice as long to read a book sometimes I would have to reread sentences a couple of times before they stuck and  I really needed to concentrate hard when reading or writing which left me exhausted. If I enjoyed what I was reading or writing it was so much easier but if the subject was not my thing it was so difficult and for me when I was younger it resulted in me giving up on things. I thought I was stupid.

By third year at high school things where hard and I was struggling with the step up in academia. I was on the verge of giving up completely when I got a new English and History teacher and things really positively started to changed. She unlocked a part of me that I had closed of a long time ago my passion for learning new things.  I guess before that in truth I never even seen how disillusioned I was with my education. As is often the case it was only when things got better did I realise how bad they had become.

I do not blame anyone thing for how I got to that point in my education. I guess times where different class sizes where a lot bigger and on the whole we all knew a lot less about things like dyslexia and provided less support. My parents really tried to help my mum took me for sight tests because they told her it might be that. My mum would support me and my sisters with our homework and it did make a huge difference but then she got ill.  I do however think there was a few individuals that where  responsible for making it harder for me. My primary three teacher Mrs Duncan for one who during one of  my parents nights told me I was never going to be academic and further more I would never be able to write as good as the other kids in class but she hoped I found something I was good at in the future. In truth what she said crushed me and although my family all told me that it was rubbish a bit of what she said to me stuck and the passion and excitement I had  for school started to go out and school days became much more of a struggle unless I was being creative.

Once I knew I was dyslexic  things really changed. I had both good and bad feelings about it but with the continued support of my family and my third year English and History teacher things got a lot  better. I’m not going to lie in the subjects I disliked  I was really struggling and getting bad grades but in the subjects I enjoyed I was starting to improve. I left the school with four higher’s all in my favourite subjects and most importantly for me one was English. I also learned I defiantly was not stupid and one nursing degree later I was in fact academic if it was the right material for me.

One of the biggest positives of being dyslexic was the creativity of my mind but by speaking about my creativity I have to bring in my other title word introvert. The dictionary definition of an introvert is a shy , reticent(hides feelings) person.  I definitely identify myself as an introvert but I don’t think that definition is how anyone would describe me now. I wear many masks and over the years have become very good a hiding how I really feel and for me this is they key to being an introvert. I prefer my own company sometimes. When I’m with a crowd of people I often feel alone yet when I’m actually alone I never feel lonely(confusing I know) but a lot of the time that’s how I feel. This does not mean I hate people in fact I work as a nurse and spend everyday at work with people but I think the fact that I work with people when often they are in some way vulnerable ( like I always feel but hide ) helps me to interact and open up to them. Plus it may be a bit cliche to say but I’m much older and wiser and have worked on myself a lot.

Being an introvert is just one part of me and sometimes it takes over but for the most part I control it and I see it as a positive I am a deep thinker and very creative I think outside the box and I am content in my own company and I do not need the attention of others to make me happy.

I want to leave it there for now I could type a million words on this subject alone but I just want to use this first entry to let you get a feel and sense of what you can come to expect from me and if you like what your read then read more and if not that’s cool to it takes all kinds to make a world.

If you want to leave feedback and comments then feel free

2 thoughts on “First Entry – What the hell am I doing here ? – Creep by Radiohead

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